Practicing Gratitude

Is it just me or does saying you practice gratitude make you feel like a bit of a twat?

I don’t know what it is about the idea of practicing gratitude that makes me cringe, but I am sure I’m not the only one who finds the idea awkward! Maybe it just feels a bit too ‘wellness’ or a bit too much like hard work when you’re feeling down, but hear me out when I say that it’s worth sucking up about doubts or discomfort and giving it a go.

The Science

In a 2003 study Emmons & McCullough identified that people who kept gratitude journals on a weekly basis felt better about their lives as a whole in comparison to people who tracked hassles or even simple life events. Thinking about it this makes perfect sense, generally you’re less likely to feel down if you focus on the good things that have happened to you than if you’re dwelling on what went wrong. That’s not all, according to Emmons & McCullough people who practice gratitude were more likely to make progress towards their goals over a two month period, and in young adults a daily gratitude practice resulted in increased reported levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness and energy.

The Reality

The science is all very well, but when life feels tough it can be really difficult to find the energy to practice gratitude, hell it can be difficult to find the energy to get out of bed. I remember at my lowest ordering loads of gratitude journals convinced they’d help and then feeling totally overwhelmed and like a when they didn’t, it’s all very well having a notebook but if you can’t work out what you’re grateful for then it’s not going to work.

The Way Through

Practicing gratitude is one of the few stereotypically ‘wellness’ things I get my clients to do, but it’s not always easy when life feels like a grind. It’s not enough to tell someone to go and be thankful and that it’ll change their life, you’ve got to help them workout how to do that.

Here’s a really great example. A client came to see me because she felt a bit ‘bleugh’ about life. Things were ok but she didn’t have energy for the things she wanted to do and wasn’t really feeling herself. As we worked through what was going on we realised that she consistently talked about her life and experiences in negative terms, and that this meant she was finding it difficult to see any room for growth. She’d become so focused on everything that was unsatisfying or annoying she literally couldn’t see what was going well and how she could build on that. We carried on digging through her life and spotted that the first thing she’d do each day after work was offload on to her partner about how shit everything had been. Every little thing got dissected as they cooked dinner and she’d dwell on those negatives all evening, compounding how frustrated she felt about her life. We talked about the idea of practicing gratitude and like so many of us she told me she’d ordered all sorts of books and notepads but found it really hard to get into the habit of practicing gratitude (and felt like a bit of a prat doing it). It was really difficult to identify what was good when she’d got into the habit of focusing on what was difficult! As we talked I realised that my client had a really great tool at her disposal - her partner! Every day they’d ask her how her day had been, if I could get them to change the question to ‘what good things happened today’ then they could help my client start to change how she thought about her life. It worked. My client reported feeling more positive, more energised and happier with where she was at. Win!

You don’t need to spend £25 on a fancy notebook to practice gratitude, but you might need a bit of support to get in the habit of seeing the positive in life when you’ve dwelled on the frustrations for so long. Whether it’s a friend, colleague, your mum or your partner, having someone specifically as you ‘what was good today’ can be a total (free!) game changer when it comes to your mindset.

Do you practice gratitude? How do you do it?

Featured