Dealing with Social Anxiety

Social anxiety has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. There have been so many events ‘ruined’ by panic attacks I’ve lost count.

Angst around family events is something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember, however much I wanted to see people and have a nice time I would always become absorbed by a nagging feeling of inadequacy. That I’d do or say something wrong. It wasn’t something I could push aside, I would quite literally become consumed by anxiety, totally unable to function, often with a side order of panic attack. While things have become easier in recent years and I’ve learnt strategies to deal with things, some situations still throw me - like the festive season.

I don’t know what it is, but there just feels like there’s so much expectation around Christmas. There are so many social events and what feels like a lot of pressure to be on form and into the ‘Festive Spirit’ which can be totally overwhelming, especially if you’re already a little anxious about social events. Even typing this is making me a little edgy just at the thought of it all! So, in case you’re like me, and have a room full of family to deal with in the next week or so, I thought I’d share some of the things I’ve found help mitigate my social anxiety at the most wonderful time of the year.

Have an ally – all you need is one person who you really trust and who you know will look after you. Mine is Mike. When I was struggling he never left me alone, and he also made sure the practical stuff was covered, so making sure I’d eaten (I get more anxious when I’ve not got food in my belly) and getting me out of the room when a sing-a-long was suggested.

Rearrange the table – sitting next to people you don’t know is really hard if you have social anxiety. When I know it’s going to happen (like at a wedding) I go in prepared with inoffensive topics to talk about (one of my friends whips out her wedding pictures to give her some purpose) and focus hard on chewing my food, when it’s a surprise I tend to do some sneaky rearranging or ask my ally to help me instigate some seat swaps. Excusing yourself to go ‘chat’ to people between courses is also a handy way to take the edge off.

Take breaks – I find having somewhere to slip off to and take an breather invaluable, and in the past Mike and I have been known to become very focused on family photos or bowls of snacks just to have a moment away from big groups! Good options include; walking the dog, going to the loo (although only in a house with multiple toilets so no one hassles you to get out, and always go for the one furthest from the party - top tip) and the dining room (once food is done people scarper to avoid cleaning up, and conveniently it gives you a job, see below).

Ask for jobs – a job is a good way to keep busy and avoid the stress of small talk. Particularly good jobs are those in the kitchen, you can’t be criticised for being dull because you’re helping, and it’s generally in another, quieter, room.

Drink through it – let me clarify you don’t need to drink alcohol for this one, but if you’ve got a topped up glass no one can bug you to refill it and you can sip your drink if you don’t fancy joining in a conversation without looking like you’re being antisocial. It keeps you busy. And hydrated (as long as you’re not drinking wine).

Finding social events difficult is much more common than you’d imagine, despite what our culture tells us, you’re definitely not alone and you don’t have anything to feel guilty about (I keep telling myself that one).

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